- 6 People Share The Lessons They Learned After Cheating And Infidelity
- Lessons Learned From Infidelity
- 6 People Revealed How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves
- 1. Not worth the pain
- 2. What I was missing
- 3. I don’t judge anymore
- 4. Sex can be wonderful!
- 5. Lying to ourselves
- 6. The easy excuse
- 5 Life Lessons Betrayal in a Relationship Can Teach You
- 1. Face your emotions strongly
- 2. Make time for yourself
- 3. Think twice before acting out
- 4. Don’ttake revenge
- 5. Learn to forgive
- Unrequited Love: 5 Lessons Learned from a One-Sided Love Affair
- 1. Love cannot be forced.
- 2. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
- 3. Unrequited love has its benefits.
- 4. Acceptance is the key to moving on.
- 5. Healing starts within.
- Women Share The Biggest Lessons They Learned From Cheating on Someone
- 'Communication And Trust Are Crucial'
- 'The Guilt Isn't Worth It'
- 'You Have To Be Honest With Yourself'
- 'You Need To Love Without Fear'
- «Only By Healing Myself Could We Heal Our Relationship»
- 'My Happiness Is My Responsibility'
- The 3 Lessons I Learned From Having An Affair
- 1. The definition of work-life balance
- 2. It's not your company's fault — it's your fault
- 3. Help is always near
6 People Share The Lessons They Learned After Cheating And Infidelity
Infidelity hurts. Cheating your spouse can never be justified, no matter how miserable your marriage is. Having an illicit affair with someone outside a relationship or a marriage may seem exciting at first, but gradually leads one to guilt trips. These are some of the common cheating lessons to be drawn from breaching the line of fidelity in a committed relationship.
Once your affair is discovered, you may be filled with anguish, guilt, shame or be happy about it as you feel free now. Your reaction notwithstanding, it cannot be denied that cheaters almost always regret their actions. The degree of remorse may vary, but it is always there. Anyone who cheats will look inwards once in a while.
Lessons Learned From Infidelity
Once an affair has been discovered, it can cause pain and anguish if you still love your partner, or set you free if you were looking the relationship. How do cheaters feel about themselves after doing something so cruel? Whatever it may be, most people who cheat do have some takeaways to take from the experience.
While some realize it is not worth having an affair, some find a newfound sense in their life and vouch that every second of being in a lifelong extramarital affair is worthwhile. The lessons learned from infidelity are different for different people.
Your personality, your values, the state of your relationship all play a part in determining what cheating lessons you learn in the process of tasting the forbidden fruit. Even so, there are some common themes in people’s takeaway from a brush with infidelity.
6 People Revealed How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves
Yes, dealing with infidelity is a soul-crushing experience, but the harsh reality is that it is more common than we think it is. Do cheaters suffer? Do they regret cheating? Or are they unfazed by their actions? How do cheaters feel about themselves? We’re giving you the gist of all the reactions people have after indulging in infidelity.
We bring you personal accounts of 6 personal stories, and the different cheating lessons people learned after they got involved in an extramarital affair:
Related Reading: Infidelity: Should You Confess To Cheating On Your Partner?
1. Not worth the pain
My spouse came to know about our affair through a text which I had forgotten to delete. He was in intense pain and I was the cause of it. I felt almost physical anguish at seeing him so miserable. At that point, no fun, excitement that I had had in the other relationship seemed worth it.
I think an affair is worth it only if no one ever finds out (unless you are in an open relationship). Otherwise, it is too devastating for all involved. So if you’re wondering, “Do cheaters suffer?” Yes, they do.
He was in intense pain and I was the cause of it
2. What I was missing
It was the affair that made me realize that I was with my wife only for the children. That I did not love her anymore. Not even as a companion. We were with each other as two business partners are. And that can be an extremely unfulfilling state of being.
Love brings different happiness, my affair made me realize I was missing out on that. Cheating in a marriage made me see that there were people out there that could make me happy. Now, I have to figure out what to do with this new knowledge.
Of course, I have to think of my wife too. I understand that it is not her fault. But these lessons learned from infidelity gave me a new perspective in life – that relationships are not always about compromise. And I want to feel happy in a relationship. I think I deserve that.
3. I don’t judge anymore
I had always looked down upon cheaters, and could not understand why they do what they do. One of the greatest cheating lessons for me is that I stopped judging cheaters. Things happen. And in my case, it wasn’t even love. It was pure lust. Yet after a drink too many with someone I had had a crush on, it happened. They say there is no black or white only grey.
Related Reading: What if I had never discovered my spouse’s cheating?
4. Sex can be wonderful!
It was the best sex I ever had. My body responded in ways I did not know it was capable of. Everything you see in those erotic scenes in the movies came true for me. Illicit sex is amazing. Even the thought of my lover would excite me. The texts were as passionate as the real meeting.
I felt alive and I learned new tricks in bed. I am still not sure if I should try them with my husband. What if he gets suspicious? I do feel a little guilty at times, but overall, I don’t regret cheating.
It was the best sex I ever had
5. Lying to ourselves
My partner (of the extramarital affair) and I both told each other how bad things were with our respective spouses. We never spoke of the good things. Neither did she nor I. After a point, we both knew that we were very attached to our spouses, yet we maintained the bitching.
I guess that’s how you keep it right in your head. You tell yourself that you are not that happy with your wife. Just for those hours, minutes, because admitting to them, “I cheated and I regret it”, hurts your ego, and you would rather just suffer in silence.
6. The easy excuse
My husband never came to know about the cheating, but when I got tired of the relationship I used his name to get the affair. I said that he had found out about it. I learned that I saw myself very differently, but I am quite a mean bitch.
Of course, my husband still does not know about the affair, and my boyfriend, the real reason for the breakup. I don’t know if I will ever be able to come clean to him. I do regret cheating sometimes, but I know it will break him completely if he ever finds out.
Related Reading: I was happily married and yet I began an affair with my ex
Everyone who has indulged in infidelity has learned different cheating lessons, depending on their marital situation. Although we judge a cheater, sometimes people need an external source to vent and make themselves feel better.
These lessons learned from infidelity have taught us to never make assumptions, and not make a judgment without understanding someone’s situation first. Would you to join in the discussion? What are your thoughts? Check out the group, Let’s Discuss Infidelity.
1. Do cheaters ever regret what they have done?
Yes, depending on their relationship with their spouse. Especially if they have a good and healthy relationship, the cheater does feel guilty for breaking that bond and lying.
2. How do you know a cheater is really sorry?
If they come clean about what they did and take accountability of their actions instead of hiding it, they are truly sorry and wish to get another chance to solve things.
3. What percentage of cheaters will cheat again?
Many people say, “once a cheater, always a cheater”, and that is true in many cases. However, if the person is taking ownership for their actions and showing humility, they probably won’t indulge in infidelity again.
5 Surefire Signs Your Partner Is Cheating On You – Don’t Ignore These!
I knew my husband was cheating on me, yet I kept quiet
10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes To Avoid After Infidelity
5 Life Lessons Betrayal in a Relationship Can Teach You
Hopefully, this never comes to pass but, there might be times where you feel betrayed in a relationship. There are multiple ways to deal with betrayal but, it gets hard to determine which are constructive and which eventually lead to something worse the betrayal.
The first thing that you keep in mind that disloyalty in a relationship is not the end of the world. You still have yourself and you can make the most this experience and learn and grow from it.
We have mentioned five important lessons in life you can learn from your failed relationship
1. Face your emotions strongly
The feelings that will remain fresh in your mind are anger, hurt, and resentment. You can’t let yourself be carried away by these emotions, and you can’t hide these feelings away either. You need to come to terms with these emotions and move past them.
There are multiple ways to do that. You could try to share these feelings with someone that you can trust. Talking with them will help you and let you know that you are not alone.
If you don’t want to share what you went through with anyone, then it is a good idea to express these feelings through writing. Writing them down in any form will help. You could either try to straight up write how you feel or you could incorporate these feelings in the poetry of some kind.
Having these feelings written down will get out the frustration and make you feel a lot better.
2. Make time for yourself
It might be hard to come to terms with these feelings if the person that betrayed you is continuously around to remind you of them.
It might be a good idea to take a break and separate yourself from them for a while. Let them know that you need some time. If you live together, then try to stay somewhere else for a while or sleep in a different room.
If the relationship is long distance, then cut off all communications for the time being. This will help you realize what the other person means to you and life feels without them in it.
It will also help if you avoid social media sites for a while because you will probably keep seeing them in pictures and that will only remind you of the feelings that they made you go through.
3. Think twice before acting out
It might seem a good idea at the time to take a huge decision and cut the person your life entirely. But, let your feelings settle down before you make such a huge decision.
Try to remember all the things that you both went through, what the relationship means to you and how you would feel without the relationship in your life. Think for a bit and make time to take it all instead of just acting on your emotions at the time.
4. Don’t take revenge
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
Don’t take any decision that will further hurt you or others around you.
Don’t resort to self-harm because you feel guilty. You need to remember that it is not your fault and don’t hurt the other person either, even if it is their fault.
Don’t make people go through the same feelings that you went through. You need to remember how bad you felt and you need to make sure that no one else has to go through that.
Don’t promote hate even though you might think that that will give you a feeling of satisfaction.
5. Learn to forgive
Forgiveness does not mean that you accept their actions or feel that what they did was justified in some way.
Forgiveness says that you value the relationship enough to move past the hurt and are willing to rebuild.
Talk to your partner and let them know how they hurt you but also let them know that they matter more than your feelings and you are willing to try and trust them again.
If they do not feel the same way and think that their actions were justified then you can sleep easy knowing you did everything that you could to save the relationship, and the blame for the failure of the relationship doesn’t ultimately fall on you.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Unrequited Love: 5 Lessons Learned from a One-Sided Love Affair
“Winter is much unrequited love; cold and merciless.” – Kellie Elmore
It was one rainy and stormy Sunday night of the year 2006.
My object of affection was sitting in front of me while we were eating at a fast food chain when I had finally found the courage to ask him what exactly we were.
My brain told me that I was not supposed to ask him since we’re grown ups and we didn’t need labels anymore.
On the other hand, my heart was dying to know the answer and kept on muttering: “You have to know”.
And you guessed right, the heart won.
So I asked my unrequited love and his answer broke my heart to pieces.
“We’re friends, right?”
Three simple words. But they hit me a tidal wave and left me drowning.
And the one who I wanted to rescue me wasn’t ready to save me.
I have not seen him since.
The pangs of unrequited love left me bloody and wounded (and almost nearly killed me). Here are five of the most important lessons I learned from my one-sided love affair with a bassist who played songs meant for somebody else.
1. Love cannot be forced.
If the object of your affection has already communicated to you that they’re unable to return your feelings, respect their decision. Do NOT ever attempt to convince them otherwise. Do NOT fool yourself, too by making excuses for them and hope that they’re just mistaken. You are setting yourself up for a big disappointment if you do.
2. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
We can be a bit tough to ourselves than to other people. When it happened to me, I kept on blaming myself for being so stupid to the point of hoping that he feels the same way. Not only did it made the recovery slower but it made me stuck. I was unable to move on because of the self-blame and the pity parties I threw for myself whenever I remember what happened.
Learn to not beat yourself up each time you make a mistake. You only have you so love yourself and give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes – you are not perfect after all.
3. Unrequited love has its benefits.
Those of us who have listened to blasting Taylor Swift and Sam Smith music knew that some of their best songs were products of their experience with unrequited love. Their muses for these songs where people they weren’t able to win over.
So instead of letting what happened drive you towards self-destructive behavior such as stalking your unrequited love, channel your energy to creative and productive activities. You’ll be surprised as to how it can turn your life around afterwards.
4. Acceptance is the key to moving on.
Unrequited love is quite hard to recognize. When you have special feelings for someone, you get blinded and you live in a fantasy world sometimes. Delusions then become present and you find yourself scrutinizing the words and actions of the object of your affection and interpreting them incorrectly. So you end up thinking that they reciprocate your feelings, when in fact they don’t.
So when you are made aware that they do not feel the same way about you, step back. It can be difficult to accept the truth in the beginning. Give yourself some time to reflect on what happened, to acknowledge your conflicting emotions and to search for your soul (if necessary). Over time, you’ll find that you will accept the truth when it seemed impossible to embrace at first.
5. Healing starts within.
We all have different ways of coping but the basic foundation of healing is our souls. It has to start from the inside. Until we forgive ourselves for what had happened, get ourselves together, pick up from where we’ve left off and decide to move on, healing won’t begin.
Unrequited love sucks. I know – that’s an understatement.
You open your heart and soul to another person and of course, more often than not, you expect that the object of your affection will return the your feelings. But it’s not the case sometimes.
So to all lovelorn romantics engaged in a one-sided love affair out there, take heart. It happens to most of us. You are not alone.
You will soon heal and find the right person (or be found by the right one) at the right time.
Rejection is not pretty and is an incredibly painful and agonizing experience. But there are situations where we need to be at before we fully realize the lessons we need to learn. And maybe falling in love with the wrong person is one of them.
Photo by Nguyen Huu Quan
Women Share The Biggest Lessons They Learned From Cheating on Someone
Cheating. It’s something many of us have done (or thought about doing) at some point in our lives. And anyone who's dealt with infidelity can tell you it causes a lot of pain, guilt, and suffering—both for the person who cheated and the one who did the cheating.
But whether you have been a serial cheater, you've done it a few times, or you've only strayed once, infidelity can offer up some serious lessons for everywhere involved. After all, people cheat for many different reasons—from neglect, to self-destruction, to anger.
Whatever the motive, at the end of the day, wallowing in the pain you’ve caused and the shame you feel won't get you anywhere. Instead it's important to let the past go and focus on becoming a better, fuller person. But how exactly? Here, six real women share the biggest lessons they learned from cheating.
'Communication And Trust Are Crucial'
«I cheated on my ex-boyfriend because I was super unhappy in our relationship. I felt neglected and he never really loved me. I think I cheated to feel more in control of the situation.
He was a lot older than I was and I didn’t know what power I had in the relationship. I learned that communication and a lack of trust are big reasons for cheating. You should never resort to cheating.
You should always try to work stuff out beforehand and if you do wind up cheating, that relationship is ly over.» —Mika, 28
'The Guilt Isn't Worth It'
«When I cheated, I did it after being with somebody for a year. He was town often and I was excited to be with somebody else. I did not enjoy the cheating and felt bad for it. I did not tell my partner and never cheated again.» —Isabel, 32
'You Have To Be Honest With Yourself'
«I'm not proud of it, but I cheated on my boyfriend of 11 years with my best friend. [The cheating lasted] for about four years [and he] had also been with his girlfriend for 13 years.
Eventually, it forced us to realize what happiness actually feels , and to admit to ourselves that, after being with our significant others since we were both 18, while we had grown up together, we had also grown apart from them. It was so much more painful and heartbreaking than I could have ever imagined it to be, but eventually we left them and are now together.
We quit our jobs and are traveling around the world together. And it seems that both of [our exes] are much better off [now] in relationships where they feel valued for who they really are.
«I constantly surprise myself with how often I think about my ex-boyfriend, even from across the world, which is comforting to know that I'm not dead inside, and that I really did actually care about him, probably even more than he realized.» —Kate*, 30
'You Need To Love Without Fear'
«I used to cheat on every person I dated before I met my wife. I was a hot mess and really self-destructive. I would sleep with men and women—‘fake commiting’ to people while still sleeping around. I was drinking a lot and screwing up every good thing that came my way.
When I met my partner, she showed me a different way and how to allow love into my life without fear. We’ve been together for nearly six years and I’ve never had the urge to cheat. Unconditional love is very powerful.
I think it’s about the place in your life and where you are as a person that dictates whether or not you’re ly to cheat.» —Adele, 36
Watch men and women spill the honest truth about exactly what they think about cheating:
«Only By Healing Myself Could We Heal Our Relationship»
«My marriage came the fire stronger than it had ever been before after my affair. The experience helped me to recognize that something wasn't right within me since the things we do indicate the condition of our heart.
The greatest lesson I learned is that I was trying to fill the broken places inside of me with the affair. So I left the other man, turned the spotlight on me, and allowed God to heal the ills my heart.
Now my husband and I love and appreciate each other more.» —Tesha, 32
'My Happiness Is My Responsibility'
«I learned a few important lessons after cheating:
«1. Cheating isn't about something missing in the relationship. It's a lack of self love, plain and simple. When someone loves themselves first, most, best and always, they'll leave a relationship they're not happy with OR… will tackle issues with confidence, and a solutions-based mindset.
«2. My happiness is 100 percent my responsibility. When we put our happiness in how others validate or treat us, we risk becoming attached, manipulative, and a victim. We cannot control others.
Conditional love makes people powerless to conditions. When you take full responsibility for your own happiness you free yourself from the pressure of making others happy.
Everyone is in charge of watering their own garden.
«3. After cheating, you can heal, transform and emerge wise, strong, and committed to your peace and clarity. That expression 'once a cheater always a cheater' is a limiting belief.
When people realize that THEY are the common denominator to their repeated relationship issues, and commit to changing for the better, then do the work and heal, they will transform into a self-loving person who will never have reason to cheat again.» —Lisa, 40
*Names have been changed
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and at @GigiEngle.
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The 3 Lessons I Learned From Having An Affair
«Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.»
It was becoming a habit. For many nights, I sneaked into my apartment trying not to make a noise. Every night I would tell myself that this would be the last time but this has been going on for months now. I was left with guilt, remorse and I didn't know how to stop it.
I had the bad habit of texting or calling my significant other to tell her that I would be home by 8pm but I never made it by that time. Most nights, I wouldn't get home until one in the morning. If this trend continued, I was afraid I would lose my future wife.
If you decided to read this blog post, you probably thought I was going to make a gossipy confession. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. My 'affair' was not with another woman. I was actually cheating on my wife with my job.
During that difficult time, I thought I was the only one experiencing something this, but throughout my career, I found out that there are too many people experiencing the same thing. In a way, I'm glad I experienced this 'affair' early in my career because I learned from it.
These are the three lessons I learned from having an affair with my job:
1. The definition of work-life balance
Before my 'affair' I had a different definition of the term 'work-life balance.' I was under the impression that having work-life balance meant that I should only work 40 hours a week and the rest my available hours should be spent doing whatever I want.
During my 'affair, I revisited the term 'work-life balance and pondered about what 'balance' really meant to me. What exactly did I learn? I learned that 'work-life balance' means something different to everyone.
To some, who love what they do, working 60 hours a week and spending weekends with family works well. For others, the hours they work is insignificant — it's more about how they feel and if they have accomplished happiness and emotional balance between their work and their life.
I really had to sit down and write out my thoughts about what work-life balance meant to me and what I was trying to accomplish by working so much.
2. It's not your company's fault — it's your fault
When work gets busy and the 'affair' occurs, we convince ourselves that the 'busy season' will soon be over. Next thing we know, just in my story, the busy season continues and seems to be endless.
It's very common for frustration to kick in and the first thing we do when we're stressed and cranky about the long hours is blame others. Many times, we are quick to blame our boss or our company. I did this too.
However, complaining and blaming the company did not help my situation. What did help? Looking in the mirror. I found out that my time management was poor, my organization could be stronger and my priorities in life were never established.
I worked on improving myself and setting personal boundaries which helped me be more effective at work and a better person beyond work.
3. Help is always near
The worst thing I did during my 'affair', was to keep it to myself. I never asked for help. I'm the type of person that can take on a lot of responsibilities and feel there is nothing I can't do.
However, when work was rough and the load got heavier, I didn't say a thing. After speaking with my supervisor, I was able to get assistance, learned how to delegate better and was able to make it home earlier than one in the morning.
At first, I didn't want any help because I didn't want my coworkers or teammates to also experience this burden and feel overwhelmed. I also didn't want my team or boss to think that I was incompetent to do the work assigned to me.
My supervisor also recommended some readings so I researched a few books that helped me with my time management. There is always help.
Perhaps I exaggerated a bit by calling this experience an 'affair' but if you asked my girlfriend (now wife) at the time, she'd probably say that I left her for my job. The reality is, many of us struggle with finding the right balance between work and life and I hope to cover this topic in the next few blogs. I hope you learn from my mistakes.
Interested in taking one of my Time Management courses online? Click here to learn more.
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